ARRGHH!

My stinky computer is broken! I don't even know if this will post! Just a quick note to remember how I am feeling on this eve of Lacey's gallbladder surgery! I am sick about it! Just sick! I need my Momma by my side to hold my hand and tell me it will be fine. I am worried! What if something happens?? What will I do? I know it will be fine, just that nagging voice in the back of your head ya know? Do you have that voice too? Poor Lacey is very worried also, so I am holding my head high in hopes she won't notice my anxiety about the whole thing! I am thankful our wonderful neighbor Taylor is doing the surgery! Lacey is very good friends with his daughter so I know she is in good hands!! Just a Momma being worried about her kiddo is all! Well keep your fingers crossed! She will be in surgery at 8:30 am! If I am not on here again until Christmas, I pray you all have loved ones surround you on Christmas! I pray all your hearts are full of love and joy! Merry Christmas my friends!
Love Kim

Catch up...

Ok so I have decided why I have procrastinated so long to catch up, there is simply a ton to catch up on! I have also really questioned some of the events that have yet to be told. I want to save the memory, but I don't want to offend, hurt or confuse anyone that might read it. So if I do any of the above please know these are/were my feelings I can only process so much at a time, and dang it I did the best I could! So here goes let the catch up begin!

On September 30, 2010 my Dad got MARRIED! Crazy uh! He met a nice lady named Zeffie online and they met for the first time on July 3 ,2010. I knew right away after he got home it had been a different date then his other "first" (or only as we called them) dates. He actually liked her, when I asked if he would see her again his immediate reply was not "Um NO!" like the others had been. I was glad Dad was dating. I didn't find it odd or bothersome by any means. I hated watching him be alone. He eased us kids into his dating, it's not like Mom had only been gone a month! It had been 2 years, I was ok with him trying to find love. At times he wondered if it was really what he wanted, was he really ready for that? Mom left such a huge hole in his life, he missed her so much, everyday! He was very happy after his walk with Zeffie, he liked her. It soon grew to a I am heading to UT to see Zeffie every weekend, or she would come stay with her Daughter that lives close by. I kinda had a feeling we were headed towards a marriage. I didn't however think the weekend after my 31st birthday I would get a phone call from Dad saying "Just wanted to let you know Zeffie and I are getting married" *OK now here comes the I don't want to upset anyone part, but if I am going to keep it real I must tell it like it happened.* I then sucked it up, and said "Oh Dad, I am so happy for you" Which I was 100% happy for him, but the tears where on the verge of letting out, I knew I had to get off the phone RIGHT away. I didn't want to let him know I was sad, because at that moment I myself didn't know why I was sad. I sobbed, I fell to the floor and just cried the second I got off the phone. I knew this day was going to come, so what happened? Why was I so upset? I couldn't make sense of anything. I knew that once again, my life was going to change. I hate change, in fact I loathe it! So there was that looming over me. I knew I was sad because Dad would obviously be moving. My kids already lost their Grandma and now their Grandpa was leaving them too! That was one reason I was so sad the other took a long time for me to process. Then the real reason came to the surface, I don't know how long it took for me to realize the pain. It was the finality of it. I had to come to terms that YES MY MOTHER WAS REALLY DEAD! She wasn't on some long vacation having a good time that she was going to return from, I have to live the rest of this life without her! That was a very hard thing to come to terms with. Even now as I type it I'm crying again. Lacey was a little concerned how Zeffie would fit in, would she try to take the place of her closest friend? She was not very happy. Bridge was sad his best Grandpa was going to be gone. Poor little Cylie didn't have a clue. Let me just tell you, my Dad and Cylie have this bond that I can't explain. I know with all my soul that Cy was sent to us to heal our hearts, and for Dad she was a good part of the reason he got up in the morning some days. Now fast forward 2 and a half months. We miss Dad alot, but we have a new member of our family that has meshed well! She makes my Dad so very happy! Cylie loves her to pieces she calls her Grandma Zeppie. Let me tell ya it's very sweet to see Zeffie interact with the kids. I am so thankful to her for loving my kids even though they aren't her children's children. Lacey loves hanging with Zeffie she thinks she is very cool! I was a little nervous how Bridge would do with it all, but when I tell him Grandpa is coming home, his first question is, Is Zeffie coming too? He loves to see her too! It has been nice to see my Dad smile again. Zeffie has complemented him so nicely. Zeffie lost her sweet husband 8 years ago, so she understand the pain Dad has, she never seems to feel jealous of the love Dad has for Mom and would never try to take her place. For this I will always be grateful! So dear reader I have a Step Mom! HAHAHA! Weird to say uh! Here is a picture of the cute couple.I know with all my heart Mom would love Zeffie, they would've been friends, they are similar! I am happy that Zeffie has joined our family, now let's just see if she can hang with the Crazy Barton Clan! HAHAHA! Good luck!!!

Lessons...

Ok dear world here I am in all my funk! Haha! I haven't been writing because I didn't want to be all doom and gloom all the time on here, well last night I learned something, well I am not sure if I learned anything yet, time will tell if I change my ways. Anyway what I came across changed my thinking on sharing my doom and gloom...hold on tight I will explain! A few days ago I realized I couldn't find a purchased Christmas gift! I can't help it, it's hereditary! My Mother always was loosing gifts she had stored in a "special" place that she wouldn't forget! Anyways my searching lead me to my parents bed room, I was digging in closets and under things. Well I found an envelope that contained letters my Mom had written to my Grandma along with other things my mom and or grandma had kept from the years. Our weeding announcements, baby shower invites, some of Michelle's basketball memories that had run in the local news, some thank you notes and a special card I had made my Grandma! Haha it was priceless! I loved reading my mother's written words to her mother. One letter was almost to hard to read. It was a letter she had written after Kurt died. As hard as it was to read, I didn't want to stop. How I long for any connection with my Mom. In another letter I loved reading how excited she was that the kids and I were coming to stay with her the next weekend. Another told how excited she was the Christmas that Brook and Bridger were born. I know my mother loved each and everyone of us! I know she was devastated when her grandson was taken from us. I know she was soooo excited to get two new grand babies for Christmas, but to read it, to have physical proof that she really did feel that way, it was simply AMAZING! I wish there was a whole room filled with things like this but sadly it was contained to a small manila envelope. As I sat there on her bed, I felt her say well Kimmie what are you gonna do? I tell ya what I am going to do.....I am promising myself to be better at journaling, even if it's in the form of this blog. It will be here for my kids to read and say "oh man my Momma does love me"! So there it is my friends the lesson I am choosing now to learn! I must leave behind something for my kids to read and have a connection with, I must also do my best while we are all together to show them my love and let them feel special! As I have learned time can be cut short, and I don't want my kids to ever feel alone. I want them to have many things to look back on and have physical proof that I love them all and let them know that life isn't always going to be sunshine and fun, even though I wish it were! Sometimes things get dark and sad, but you know what IT'S OK! Maybe the things I have to deal with will help them somehow! But what if I am not here to share it? Well that's when they will have to look to my written word for advice! So here it is Christmas time, my Mother's favorite time of year, that I try to love as much as I did before she left. I won't lie, it's hard, really really hard. But I will find the time to enjoy it. I will find the joy in my little ones hearts as they love this time of year. I will be posting a lot more from now on so keep in touch!

Need a smile??

I sure do! I just have such a heavy heart right now so in order to change my spirits I looked at these....ENJOY!SEE you feel better now don't you! HEHE! Man I just love this kid!

Vote for Lacey!!

So my Lacey Lu threw her hat in the political ring! She is running for 6th grade student council! I am so proud of her! I must admit I am not sure why she decided to do it! She is kind of shy in big groups and she doesn't like giving speeches or talks! At first I thought she was doing it because some of her friends were, Nope. Then I thought oh a cute boy must be doing it, nope that wasn't it either! So maybe she just really is interested! HA! Either way whatever her reasons are I am a super proud Momma today! I never would've had the courage to put myself out there like that and run for an office! We had fun making posters, sadly I didn't get any pictures before she took them to school, we made stickers to pass out and these cute shirts with her slogan for Lacey and 4 friends to wear! I hope she does well!

*Side note I know you are all dying to hear about how the tooth pain is, well, $2,000 later and 2 (so far) dentist visits later and I am on the mend. Sadly it wasn't a baby tooth causing the pain it was the one behind it so I didn't dare let them pull it so I got to have a root canal! IT WAS AWFUL! They had to do it in two visits because my roots are bent over. The first visit I cried so much I felt like a dang baby! Oh well all that hurts now is the BILL! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Oh ya thanks Lori for saving my butt once again! LOVE YOU!

Still here...

Pain, Pain go away, Please don't EVER COME BACK! Why was I blessed with such awful teeth? Why do I have such anxiety when I have to go? My mouth has been hurting for a while. I keep ignoring it because I know it is going to cost an arm and a leg to fix. Ya see I was blessed missing two permanent teeth so I have to baby teeth left, well I think they have lasted as long as they are going to. THEY ARE KILLING ME! I can't ever find a dentist I trust that doesn't hurt me, or charge me a small fortune. Why can't I find one that will take payments and not treat me like a criminal for not being able to pay them all at once? WHY OH WHY? I hate finding a new dentist. I have to though, the pain is starting to give me an earache, I almost can't function anymore. But then the thought of the dentist sets in and I start to have a panic attack. UGH! Am I alone in this feeling? I know they aren't mean people that want to hurt me, I hate that I can't get over my childhood trauma. So here I sit trying to figure out my next step!! I don't know how much more I can take!

I keep meaning to bring my camera to load pictures for a new post but I keep forgetting! Sorry, I will try to remember!! I hope you are all well!

Hmmppfftt.....

I have been stewing about this since last night, so maybe if I get it out I won't beat myself up over it. Or you all will confirm for me that I am indeed a bad person. Either way it will be out of my hands! Last night as I was at Curves minding my own business I hear two ladies talking about Dr. Dixon. Well I know right away what kind of Dr. he is, my Mother went to him as well. They go on and on about what a FABULOUS Dr. he is. I think "Oh ya such a great Dr. couldn't save my mom!" The more I listen the more I am irritated by the conversation. Then the one very nice lady says to the other lady how long has it been. Nice lady #2 says it's been 7 years free of cancer. I wanted to hurt her. I know this isn't rational. I am so happy she won the fight! I am so grateful her kids don't have to go through what myself and my siblings are. But at the same time I wanted to scream, WHY DID YOU GET TO WIN BUT NOT MY MOM???? I know it's not her fault Mom had to leave. I also had these feelings as I watched the survivors take their survivor lap at the Relay for Life the year after Mom passed away. I couldn't help but feel resentment towards them. I haven't been back to a Relay since. I don't like feeling this way towards survivors! I should celebrate them and thank the heavens that some people do win. So now I am stuck, is this normal to feel or man am I really a mean person for being mad they won???

It's true...My lil CY CY is TWO!

How can this be? How is the time just slipping by so fast? I wish I could freeze Cylie in time right now! She is so fun and keeps us on our toes all the time! She talks up a storm! The things she says just cracks me up! Yesterday she was playing with Matt and she counted to 10! She only missed the numbers 3 and 7! I didn't even know she was counting at all! I had her do it again and of course she only got to 5! Lil stink! She is such the Diva! Everything is on her time or no time! If things aren't going her way she loves to throw her hands over her face and cry this pathetic cry! I can't help but laugh at her! She loves playing dollies! She is such the lil momma already! She loves taking all the dish towels out of the drawer and unfolding them one on top of the other. She will do this for hours! Then she will pick them up and move them to a new location and start all over again! It is very helpful in times of needing to get stuff done! She also uses the towels to cover her babies with! HAHA! She is the light of our lives. Her brothers and sister adore her. Every morning she asks where they are and if they are still sleeping! It sounds like this "Bidger still seeping?" Or "Sissy still seeping?" So sweet! She is a Daddy's girl. She has such a great relationship with Matt. It melts my heart. Cylie is a great little tattle tale! If one of us tells her no or swats her bum she is for sure on her way to rat us out to the other parent! It so dang funny, it goes something like this ME: Cylie whats wrong?" Cy: Crying, wiping her tears, big pout lip....Daddy do it!" Oh man it so funny! She also thinks it's grand to either a)pretend to pick her nose or b) pick her nose and then ask "You wanna booogie?" Don't even ask where that one came from! Another classic one is "I punch you" Now I promise we don't go around punching people or asking them if they want a booger! HAHA! Cylie can keep us in stitches laughing for hours. Now don't get me wrong, she is a TWO year old for sure. Some days I am so ready for her bedtime it's almost sad! Especially since I don't see her very long during the work week. But even on those days, I go to bed and thank the heavens that she is ours! I would be lost in this life without her! Happy Birthday Cylie!

TODAY

Today...my baby boy (well he is 6 and a half but still!) had his first trip to the ER. I am at work, crying! He will be fine, he had an allergic reaction to something and within 30 minutes after Matt dropped him off at Daycare he had hives and welts and his eyes were swelling shut!

Today....I am so very tired. Cylie hasn't been sleeping since she got hurt. She fell and split her mouth up, it got infected and it's been awful! She won't eat or sleep or take a bottle. I am sooo very very tired!

Today....I miss my Mom horribly! I am not sure if it's because Lori and Jo just left and the hole in my heart is noticeable again, or if it's because my kids are sick and I don't have her to go to for advice or if it's because my birthday is on Sunday and I always miss her more on my birthday or if it's because she was such an amazing wonderful woman that new me without any explanations from me. She just did, she was my mom and she got me!

Today....I hope it gets better!

Lacey Lu is 11 (and one month!)

I really have no excuse other than I suck! HAHA! I have thought about this post since before the big day came...then it went, and went, and went~ haha! So now I am a month late...again! That should be my nick name! I know it has been a month since my first born turned 11 but I still need to document how wonderful she is. So here goes...
Lacey Rae was born 3 weeks early and still weighed 7 lbs and was 20 inches long. Her poor little head was so cone shaped, poor kid got stuck! It was an awful delivery! The doctors let me labor for 14 hours and push for 2 before they finally took her c-section! I was so tired by the time she got here! But man I was so excited! I will never forget when I finally got to hold her I spoke so quietly to her and she turned her little head to look at me. She new me and I knew her! We were meant to be mother and daughter! We are so similar it's almost scary, I think she was watching a little to closely while she was waiting for her turn. I find myself getting on her alot about things, things I used to do, that I wish I hadn't. It's hard for me to sit back a little bit and let her find her own way...you know as much as a parent can. She is fun, she loves to rock out in the car with the windows down! We laugh a lot, but I need to make more time for that with her! She is sensitive, she always wants the world to be fair. She never wants her friends or family to be sad. She is a helper, most of the time! She loves her little sister. I am so thankful she and Cylie will get to experience the joys of sisterhood! I can't imagine my life without my sisters! She is very smart. She doesn't give herself enough credit about how smart she really is. I hope going into the 6th grade she can buckle down and really work at it! She is a great swimmer! I have found such joy in watching her grow in this sport. Man I was a wreck during her first swim meet! I get so choked up with PRIDE as she finishes each race! She makes our family complete! For her party this year I told her she could only have 3 friends...let me tell you the endless sleep this caused her! "But Mom I don't want to hurt so and so's feelings and Mom so and so doesn't know the other girls so what if she feels left out"...and on and on it went! I finally told her she had to choose time was running out. It was finally decided, she had Noelle, Madi and, Jenna. They had a great time. We did Mr. Pizza for dinner on Friday and had Lacey blow out the candles on the Dessert Pizza Yummo!The girls stayed the night, and on Saturday morning I took them to the bead shop to make watch bands. They had a good time. It was fun! On Sunday we had her family party. Only Michelle and her family and Dad could make it but that's ok! She had fun and loved her gifts. Matt and I got her a cell phone this year. She has been begging for one. The only reason she got one is out of necessity! Now her phone is cooler than mine! She was super excited about it! She also got a new bike. The Bike was going to be her big gift but we had to get the phone anyway so we threw it in as a present too! It kind of overshadowed the bike but oh well! She did get a cake, she picked it out from Wal-mart! Sorry I am just not that Mom that has the patience to make one I wish I were, but I know my limitations! I would end up sad because the cake wouldn't turn out like it looked in my minds eye! So I just leave it to good ol Wal-mart! I can't believe how fast they are all growing. It seems like just yesterday Lori and I took the Winnie the pooh bib to my Mom's office to tell her the news of Lacey's impending arrival! I am so thankful she was in trusted to us, I hope we can do it right! Happy Birthday My Lacey Lu!
***A BONUS PICTURE***
How stinking cute is that? She just loves her Tyler!

RUN LARRY RUN!!!!

Today my sister will face her demons! You know the ones that tell you that you can't do something? Those evil ones will do their best to get you down and tell you that you can't but

I AM HERE TO SAY YOU CAN! AND YOU WILL!

I am so proud of you Lori for making a goal to run a 5k. It hasn't been easy, but you have stuck it out! Even when you didn't love it and couldn't remember why you started, you stuck with it! No matter what no demon can EVER take that away from you! GOOD JOB SISTER! I wish I could be there to cheer you on! But alas I am stuck at work! SO I WILL SAY IT FROM A FAR.......

RUN LARRY RUN!

The Gift

I'm kinda having a down in the dumps kind of day so I thought I would post about a great memory that will make me cry happy tears, not the kind that has been gracing my cheeks thus far today. So to explain the gift I must first give you history of a very special gift my Mother gave me when I was around 7. It was a Christmas gift that she had saved to give me at my Grandma's house. As I remember, Mom thought all the Aunts and Uncles were going to give their kids a gift at the Goodwin Christmas gathering, but when we got there only Mom had gifts for her kids. She pulled Michelle and I into Grandma's sewing room, which I loved that blue room just so you know, and gave us our gifts. Mine was a beautiful music box girl thing. I loved her. Michelle and I would whined her up every night and fall asleep listening to her play. I remember Michelle once told me if I told anyone she listened to a music box to fall asleep she would beat me up! HAHA! I better watch my back! When Michelle and I moved our room back upstairs she somehow got left downstairs for awhile. One day while in the basement back room I found her...in pieces. Travis had knocked her down on the cement floor by accident. I was so sad. Dad got out the trusty glue and put her back together. I now loved her even more because my Dad had taken the time to mend her and my broken heart! As I grew I still kept her safely in my room. When I became a mom myself I started playing her sweet music for my kids. Well they of course loved her two and wanted to play with her. She held up really well until Cylie was born. I tried to play it for her put my sweet doll had finally had enough. I was so heart broken, it was a sweet gift my mother had given me. Since Mom passed all of the things she had given or were hers have become so cherished. I put my sweet music doll away. I couldn't bear to throw her away. Now lets move on to my dear husband he really falls short in the gift giving department. He always has, I don't fault him for it.(anymore!HEHE!) It was a few days before Christmas and he sent me a text that said I must pay it forward. I was so confused as to what he meant. He said he had just been shown the true meaning of Christmas and needed to pay it forward so if I new of anything please let him know. He wouldn't tell me what had been done for him because it involved my present. I was so dang confused, and a little mad! I don't like being teased like that! I had to let it go so it didn't consume me with what he was talking about! On Christmas morning this is the gift I opened.....I was confused at first! I said you found a new one? He said no I found a lady in Idaho Falls to fix it for you. It was a little different because they didn't know what the brown part was, it was a tree limb that held little birds. The tears began to fall. He had taken the time to find it, hide it and get it fixed. Then he told me the story of the Lady in Idaho Falls that fixed it for me. He knew I always wanted to know what the song was that played on the box. Well most boxes are stamped with the music, well she wasn't. Knowing how important it was this sweet lady listened to the song over and over. She even enlisted help. They figured out what it was and he even bought me sheet music for it. The song is called "You light up my life" How appropriate don't you think. He then told me he had told the lady how important the music box was to me and why. He told me she had also lost her mother way to early in life and knew the pain I was feeling. She wouldn't let him pay her for fixing the music box. I again began to cry! She said it was her pleasure to return such a special gift to my life. What an amazing women. What an amazing Husband. What an amazing Mother. What an amazing gift. This music box is one of my prized possessions. My Mother gave it to me, my Father fixed it, and my Husband recreated it and gave a piece of my mother back to me!

Cooper turned ONE! (a while ago!)

So I suck, this I know! Let's all except it and move on! Ok now that we have gotten that out of the way! I have a ton to catch up on, Easter, Mother's day, a trip to the zoo,cute pictures of Cy and stories of how fabulous she is, the swim team post for Lacey that I have been wanting to do since....November! Oh and the gift Matt got me for Christmas! HAHAHA! WOW I really do suck! Well I am going to start with Cooper's birthday, you might ask yourselg why? CAUSE HE IS SO DARN CUTE THAT'S WHY! Plus it's my blog and I can! HAHAHA! Mr. Cooper Jack turned the big ONE year old on the 29th of April. He is such a fun kid! I love his little head conks he gives to those closest to his heart! His smile is amazing and can light up a room! I love it when he is playing with my dad and he does his silent laugh! It's so dang funny! He is changing so dang fast! Cylie loves him and makes me find the pictures of "poocer" as she calls him on my phone. I am not sure why she says the last part of his name first...but she does! I love when he wants to scurry away from you so he can get into something naughty he puts his little head down and crawls at mock speed! I can't help but stop and laugh! He is such a fun little boy! So Happy belated Birthday Super Cooper!

Precious!!!

This precious, priceless, amazing gift was left for me in my in box this morning from my Aunt Pam. I have never seen this photo and it warmed my heart on this awful dreary day! I wish I had more of these kinds of photos. Man I miss her!

When did this happen?

My Baby isn't a baby anymore! It's so sad! Cylie has been the funniest baby! I think this time around with being a working mom I find myself enjoying her more. Just for the fact I don't see her very much! She loves books. That's all she wants to do is read. She grabs a book mumbles something that sounds like "eb ba de boo" every time. I am sure she is asking in her nicest words "PLEASE READ ME A BOOK!" Cylie also loves babies. At daycare she will line them up and play with them for a long time. She also gets very upset when ANYONE takes them, she must play with them ALL! She is learning new things every day! She loves to tell the dogs to "GOWAY" it's all one word! She has moved on to say Goway Mo or Bella depending on what dog is annoying her! Cy has also decided this works on people as well! HAHA! If the kids take what she has she tells them to GOWAY! Cy takes so much joy in teasing my dad! It's awesome! She loves to take his remote and say mine and run as fast as she can away from him. All the while laughing this evil belly laugh that no 18 month old should know! Cy Cy can give the crustiest looks EVER! My Mom would be proud! My Mom was always impressed with my dirty look ability but Cylie puts me to shame! I am so thankful Heavenly Father gave her to us. She has been such a blessing in our lives! Love you CYCY!

IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!

So my Sista it's your birthday! Whoo Hoo! This post is just for you!!! Since you turned 29 (wink,wink)on the 17th I will tell the world 29 things I love about you...in no particular order(I just felt like the announcer on Dancing with the Stars! hehe!)

1. I love how smart you are!


2. I love how I know I can count on you!


3. I love how we think alike!


4. I love that we take so much joy running red lights!


5. I love how we have the same evil laugh!


6. I love that I can tell you all my deepest fears!


7. I love that we don't have to do anything at all but can still have a great time!


8. I love when you recite all the best movie lines!


9. I love that you love my kids!


10. I love the kind of mother you are to your kids!


11. I love that you have my back!


12. I love our trips we take, even if they haven't happened in a while!


13. I love that you understand how I am feeling even if I can't put it into words!


14. I love our morning commute! Those are some good times!


15. I love how determined you are!


16. I love that you don't know how to give up!


17. I love your super cute new hair!


18. I love that you can drink that much water in a day!


19. I SUPER love that you are coming to Kansas with me!!!


20. I love that even though we weren't super close growing up, we are now!


21. I love that you love me even though I am not perfect!


22. I love how creative you are!


23. I love how you can pick out the best colors for painting walls!


24. I love that we both love shoes and purses so much!


25. I love how selfless you are, you would give anyone anything!


26. I love that you can cheer me up!


27. I love that you care enough to think of cheering me up!


28. I love the role model you are to me!


29. I LOVE that we are BEST OF FRIENDS!

So since you now know some of the reasons I love you, I say good day! I said GOOD DAY! JUST KIDDING! I say Happy Birthday my dear sista! You are the best and I thank the heavens for you every day!

Valentines Day

What can I say it's Valentines Day AGAIN. Not quiet sure where the two years went since the day my life changed forever. I would like to think I am a stronger woman then I was two years ago, but I am not sure I am. I would like to say my life is in a happier place now then it was two years ago, but I am not sure it is. I would like to say this Valentines day hurts less, but it doesn't. I HAVE figured these last two years that I am a fighter, I have also figured out I have amazing friends and family. I have also seen a new side of my father, that I am grateful for. So even if I can't say it's easier or that I have it all figured out, I can say I will be OK. Maybe not happy all the time, or know what the heck I am doing...but I will make it, I will do the best I can with the hand I have been dealt, after all that is exactly what my Mom would want. Really that is all I can do is try my very hardest to do her proud! I love you Mom and miss you EVERYDAY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GREATEST WOMAN THAT EVER LIVED!

Happy Birthday Mom! You are the greatest! I wish you were here with us to blow out your candles and laugh your awesome laugh. Oh how my ears miss hearing your sweet laugh! Oh how my eyes miss your sweet smile. I miss the way your eyes would light up while playing with your grandkids! I miss our trips to Park City and concerts and the mall. I miss your great advice you always had to give me. I miss your hugs, they always fixed so much. I miss your sweet spirit that filled our lives with joy and meaning. For your Birthday gift I am going to kiss and hug your grandkids, tell them stories of all our great times together. I am going to love them as fiercely as you do! You are my greatest hero in life! I miss you!

Christmas 2009....only a month or so late!

What can I say about Christmas this year?? Hmmmm...it was harder then I thought it would be! Is that strange? I thought it would be much easier this year, then last year was with out mom around, but sadly I was wrong...VERY wrong! I am not sure why I thought it would be easier, maybe since we had one under our belt all ready it wouldn't be so bad? Who knows, all I know is that I could definitely feel her presence missing!! When talking to my family about it, it turns out I wasn't the only feeling that way. It's hard to not have her around for her favorite time of year! All I can say is that it is a good thing I have little kids to keep my mind off of it. I had Christmas Eve off this year so that was nice! The kids and I went and spent the morning with Becky and her kids. It was fun! I love that girl!! We then headed home to make our Santa cookies and spend time with Matt. Tyler actually got to spend Christmas with us this year! We were all so excited! I think we have only gotten him for Christmas morning 2 times before this one! We went and looked at lights with everyone crammed into my Dad's new truck! That's right Dad broke down and got a new truck! He has been talking about it for YEARS!!! I am happy for him! Christmas morning Dad got up and went to Michelle's to see her kids open gifts, since my kids rock and sleep in, no matter what day it is! hehe! I love it! When he got home we woke Bridge, Tyler and Cylie up. Lacey was actually chomping at the bit this year! They were all excited with what they got, I think. It was a smaller year for us but I think they got most of what they wanted.Cylie was really cute! She got so excited about her baby doll, she got so mad when she had to wait for us to open her up! She got the hang of opening the gifts pretty quickly! After all the opening we just played with new toys and hung out. Travis and Shannon brought the boys out for a visit. Michelle and Les and the kids came for lunch. We played games and giggled and enjoyed being together. It wasn't as great as it could have been, but I suppose it could have been much worse. I hope the holiday season was good to you all.

Bridger turns 6....a month and a half ago!

I really am here! Sorry, life gets crazy around Christmas time. Then the first of the year comes around and I kind of want to stick my head in the ground until spring! But alas updates must go on!

Bridger turns the BIG 6!
Bridger was very excited to turn 6 because he would need two hands to show people how old he is! Bridger is such a light in my life! I love that little man! We had his party at the pool with Brook. Then on his real birthday we had cake and did presents. It almost killed him to wait all day until we were all together to open them. I let him pick out his cake at Walmart (yes I am THAT kind of Mom!) He loves picking them out. He choose a batman cake, that was "just a white kind mom!" Lacey and I were bummed for no chocolate, but hey it's his birthday so I let him have it that way! He got to pick where we went to dinner, he choose Rupes! I was glad it wasn't McDonald's!!! We went home for cake and ice cream. As I cut the cake I noticed something was very wrong with this cake. It was very...moist! I served everyone then looked closer at it. The cake had this liquid coming out of it! I was like oh great we are all going to get sick. Well not all of us I didn't have any cake! Hehe, just the rest of them! They all took one bite and stopped eating it. I was so mad, Bridge was so excited for his cake! So I called Walmart and complained. Looking back I must have sounded like a complete idiot!!! ME: "Hi my name is Kim I ordered a cake and when we cut it to serve, there was a bunch of liquid that came out. I can squeeze it and liquid runs everywhere!" WALMART EMPLOYEE "Really Ma'am that's really weird. We have never had a problem with something like this." ME: "I know we order cakes all the time and never have a problem. W E: "I will check in with the bakery please come in for a refund" ME: "OK thanks!" So I get off the phone and go to throw the cake away, I look on the label and it says TRES LECHE! What in the world is that I say, Matt says um it's a milk cake Kim no wonder liquid was coming out of it! OK I get dummy of the day! But really I didn't order that remember Bridger JUST WANTED A PLAIN WHITE CAKE! I felt so dumb I am sure the W E just laughed at the dumb girl! Bridger loved his presents and ice cream! He is doing really well in Kindergarten and can't wait for summer! He is already talking about soccer! He wants to make more then 2 goals this year "It's my plan mom!" He has the most amazing smile and eyes! I love this kid! Happy Birthday Reggie!