My Prayer...

My Prayer for you my dear loved ones this time of year...is to breath, take in the moment...let it burn into your minds eye, and never, for one second forget it. My prayer for you this Christmas Season is that you are with the ones you love, and that you tell them you love them. I pray you never forget how much you all mean to me! I pray this season of love heals your broken, tired, weary heart. I pray you find the answers your soul is searching for. I pray you remember the Lord and why we have such a magical time of year. I pray for these things for myself as well! Have a very Merry Christmas my friends. Remember to smile, even if it hurts, remember to laugh when you may want to cry and above all else REMEMBER HIM!FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS MERRY CHRISTMAS!

YAY!

I am happy to report that on Saturday we had our Goodwin Thanksgiving (my Mom's family) and Grandma looked so much better then I had imagined she would! They took her to the Doctor as I said last time, and got her on some Medicine, it must be working! She knew who we all were and spoke to each of us. She was getting around pretty darn good too! It did my heart good to see her! I can't tell you all how much I owe my sweet Aunt Pam for caring for my Grandma! It is no easy job to take care of a parent, especially an aging one. I give her so much credit for doing it day in and day out. I am so lucky to have my Mom's family! It's nice to be around them and feel my Mom's love. It's just so comforting to be around someone that knew my Mom and loves her and misses her like I do! My Uncle Stan was also there. Which that in itself is a blessing! In July of this year he had a brain aneurysm. He was in the Hospital in Utah for pretty close to 3 months. My poor Aunt Peggy, I can't even imagine the stress that must have been on her. She is lucky to have some amazing kids that helped her out and visited so many times. Her daughters are simply wonderful! Anyway Uncle Stan was there and he also looked so great! I didn't speak to him much, but that's how Uncle Stan is, he is the strong silent type! HA! Dad spoke with him though and said he was doing well! Our family has been very blessed this year! I am so thankful that both of their health is improving! Yay for family!!

I know, I get it.

People get older, it's part of life, I get that. I know that one day we all die, I get that too. I know my Grandma Goodwin (My Mother's Mother) is getting older with every day. I know her eyesight is bad, and she is kinda a grouchy ol gal sometimes, but she is still my Grandma. My Grandma that lived just down the road from me, growing up. We could see her whenever we wanted. She gave us perms and made us fabulous quilts and made us such yummy treats! I only ate spagettio's if I was at Grandma's, those things were so nasty, unless they came from Grandma's pantry. She taught me many things. She is the glue that has held our family together for many years, since my Grandpa died when I was just little. I watched her poor frail body lay in her bed the day after my Mother told her she had cancer. She got so sick just from the news of it.I watched her grieve the death of my Mother, something She nor I should have ever had to do. Today I got the news that Grandma Good (the name Lacey gave her when Lacey was just little, that we all now lovingly call her.) had fallen. I am not sure when the fall took place, my cousin wasn't sure either. Either on Saturday or Sunday, anyway, today Grandma isn't doing so well. They took her to the ER for some testing. She only recognizes my Aunt Pam. I am heart sick, I can't focus, I can't seem to do anything but sit here. The thought of loosing the woman that gave my Mother life, is more then my heart can handle. I get it, I know it's going to happen, but I am just not ready for it. I already have such a hard time with the Holidays since loosing Mom, it will be even more painful to have this pain as well. I am once again reminded how sweet and tender life truly is. I need to be better about taking time to make memories with those I love.


I will try to take time and update this ol blog about happy things, as soon as I can think straight! It seems to be such a hard task once I fall behind!

Nuffin

Man this morning, was one giant fail after the next! I am getting worn out on the whole getting kids ready in the morning all alone thing! I need turn around (not that you really care, but turn around is when Matt's work shuts down all the equipment, cleans it, turn it back on to see what works and what doesn't! It equals very long hours for him!)to be over so Matt can at least help out some of the time. After waking up late this morning due to the lack of sleep last night thanks to Cy I was in a mad rush. I usually get ready then go wake up Cylie after I am done so I can devote all my attention to getting her ready. Well she woke up all by herself this morning and I knew it was going to be a rough one, and it was! I had to tell you all about one of our conversations, because now, it's really funny! HAHA! Cy: "Mommy I hungry" Me: "Ok Sis, what do you want?" Cy: "Nuffin." Me: "Well Sissy if you are hungry lets get you something to eat. You can have yogurt or cereal or apple sauce? What would you like?" Cy: "Nuffin" Me: "What do you mean nothing? If your hungry let's find something" MUCH CRYING INSUES. I am at a loss. She moves on to something else for a while then comes back, Cy: "MOMMY I HUNGRY" Me: "So tell me what you want sissy I already said we could get something for you" Cy: "I WANT NUFFIN!!!" Me:"Cylie this isn't funny if you don't want anything why do you keep coming in here telling me you are hungry! WHAT DO YOU WANT CHILD?" CY: "Mommy I just want nuffin!" and finally in the middle of her sentence the light goes on in my poor little tired brain....ALL YOUR POOR CHILD WANTS IS A DAMN MUFFIN!!!!!! Oh man you should have seen how excited she was when I finally picked up what she was throwing down! HAHA! That sadly wasn't the only fits thrown this morning! It was a rough one for sure! I don't know about you, but I am SUPER glad it's Friday!

Where has the time gone?

I can't believe it's time...does he know enough? Has he been taught well? Does he know how much his Dad and I love him? Have we done all we can as parents to ensure he will succeed in life? All these questions I have and in the end even if we haven't it's to late, because it's time! It's time to let go and let him grow to his potential, it's time to see if he has what it takes to soar to higher levels then I ever dreamed were possible. It's time to see the man he will become!! Today my little tiny Tyler Jay graduates High School! My heart is so full! He is such an amazing young man, really he always has been! He has always had a heart of gold! I am so very, very blessed to have him in my life. At the ripe old age of 17 (younger then he is now) I became a step-mom! I had no idea what that really meant at the time. I had no idea how much I would learn from him. I really did get the better end of that deal! He is always so willing to help me out, even when he was little he was right there willing and wanting to help. He has been the best big brother to my kids. They love him so much and miss him when he is at his Mom's house. Today I sit and wonder where did the last 15 years go? I am flooded with memories of that sweet little boy that loved me as his "dirlfriend", and would tell Matt he was going to give him a "knuckle swamich" if he gave me another hug! Haha! He had the cutest little voice! To more recent memories of his struggle to keep his tears back at my Mom's funeral! He was loved by my Mom as if I had carried him in my belly, and he loved her just as much! He is such a tender soul! Today Tyler if I could tell you one thing to carry with you throughout your life I would tell you, to hold on tight, enjoy the ride, love like it was your last day and never live with fear! The world is yours for the taking, so Son I say TAKE IT AND RUN!!!

WHOOT WHOOT!!!

THEY ARE ON A JET PLANE!!! THEY ARE ALMOST HERE!!!! MY HEART WILL NO LONGER FEEL QUITE THE HUGE GAPING WHOLE IN IT!!! I WILL GET TO LAUGH UNTIL MY GUTS HURT!!! I WILL FEEL THAT ALL IS AS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD AS IT CAN BE!!! OMGOSH I AM OUTTA HERE, I AM ON MY WAY TO PICK UP MY GIRLS!!!! WHOOT WHOOT!!!

A big heart!

My little Bridger boy has a heart the size of Texas. He always sees the best in people, even when he shouldn't! He gives people more credit then they deserve, this includes me! He is just like his Grandma and has a soft spot in his heart for kids with special needs. Michelle told me a story that melted my heart. My Mother had the privilege of helping many special needs children in her career. One child happened to be my sister Michelle's best friends little girl. Michelle told me that Jenny told her how Bridger likes to hold Taylor's hand while they walk down the hall. He is very protective of her. I told Bridger how Grandma loved Taylor and helped her when she was little, and now he is glued to her. He will come home and tell me stories of Taylor and Julian. Julian is a little boy also in Bridger's class that has special needs. Bridger tells me of the things Julian likes to do, and how they are friends. I guess Julian likes to play with barbies and my little pony's. Instead of Bridger making fun of a boy for playing such things, Bridger joins in. Two weeks ago Bridger came home with a little note he had written himself, a little reminder of sorts. I asked what it was, he opened up and read. "March 17th is Julian's birthday." He said Mom can I please get him a gift. I said sure bud, thinking he would forget. HAHAHA, well he didn't he reminded me 2 times. Last night as we were headed to take Lacey to volleyball Bridger says "Mom what's the date?" I say "It's the 16th, why?" "Oh my gosh we have to go get Julian a present!!!" I say "ok, can Dad do it, I am tired and have lots of things to do!" "So I can't pick it out then?" was his reply. I felt so awful, so I gave in and we all went to walmart to pick out a toy. He was dead set on a Barbie or a My Little Pony. I wasn't sure how Julian's parents would feel about this, but Bridger was adamant! So a My Little Pony it was. As we wrapped the present for Julian, you could see the pure love and excitement Bridge had. He look at me with his huge brown eyes and said " Mom, I am so excited! I am going to help make this Julian's best Birthday EVER!!!" I knew in that moment my Mom was a very proud Grandma! Her big tender heart has been passed down to Bridger! I can't tell you how much I love that little boy!

Today....

Today I am thankful beyond measure....Today I am sad beyond compare....Today I feel so blessed.....Today I am worried for loved ones.....Today I understand that I truly have no idea what it's like to suffer....Today I am praying for all of the many people whom have lost loved ones, homes, their lives as they knew them. As I watch the video's of the aftermath from the 8.9 earthquake that hit Japan last night as I was snuggled in my warm bed with my sweet family safely inside, I am shocked to the core. It has opened my eyes to how easy my struggles in this life really are right now. I know that money troubles are no fun but never have I had to worry if I could feed my children or if we would have a warm place to sleep. I pray with every fiber of my being that I remember this lesson today. I really truly do have so many things to be thankful for in this life! I pray that all of the people of Japan and the other countries that have the threat of tsunami's wreaking havoc on their lives will find safety and shelter. My their burdens be lightened by my thoughts and prayers.

$88.00

Strange title I know, so let me explain.....It all started a few years ago when both of Matt's business went under. One do to the Economy and one do some one's sticky fingers(that our locals finest never did anything about, but hey I guess it's not illegal to embezzle money or forge documents, or steal someone ss# and open false accounts.) It has been a rough time for my little family, a little to hard sometimes. Matt got lucky here and there with jobs. He did really well for over a year when he was building a house for someone. It wasn't the kind of money he was used to making, but hey it kept us a float. During Christmas I had to take on another job for fear my kids wouldn't even have a tiny Christmas. It was a struggle! I missed my kids and Matt. I decided it wasn't worth not seeing them for days at a time just for Christmas, so they would have to do with even less then I thought, but they are kids and they would be ok. When I came to terms with not being able to give them all that my heart desired my eyes were opened to all the good around me. I had an Aunt and Uncle give us some money as well as a very dear friends family. I was so happy to have an answer to my prayers. I know this sounds silly it's just toys and such but I wasn't sure how to explain to my 7 year old that the DS he had on his Christmas list for a whole year wasn't going to come. It was very hard for Matt and I to swallow our pride and admit we needed help, but we did. I am truly blessed with such amazing people who love and care for me and my family. I hope to one day pass that Christmas gift forward.

Anyway back to $88.00...Matt has been out of work for over 4 weeks now, nothing has panned out and no one has extra money to fix up their homes. We were living on my measly paychecks, which I am so grateful for, how ever after adding up my bills for the next two weeks, we will have a sad total of $88.00 left to live on for two weeks of food and gas and anything else that seems to pop up!!! Are you kidding me!?!?! $88.00!! How was I going to stretch that? It takes $40.00 just in my gas tank for the week! I was beyond sick about it, I was in tears everyday! Pleading with the Lord to help us out! Just when it seemed their was no light at the end of the tunnel for us, Matt got a call on Friday March 4th. He is now a full time employee for Simplot Don Plant. Can I tell you how Michelle and I did a dance in my office! Thankfully no agents showed up! HAHAHA! It is still going to be a hard few weeks since he doesn't start until the 21st, but he had a job line up for next week, so we will make it! I can't tell you how excited I am to be able to not only be able to pay my bills but to put some away in savings! I am excited to think of all the things I can now provide my kids that I was worried about, you know like summer clothes! Haha, oh the little things!! I can't wait for my account to have more than $88.00 left! Here is to a great and wonderful 2011!!!!

*SIGH*

Well here we are again, It's February.....SIGH! I will pull myself out of the sadness and post all of our December adventures and Tyler's birthday....sometime.....