~A different point of view~

(Lori, here is your tissue warning!)
It is no surprise I have been struggling lately. I feel good one minute and the next I feel as if someone has shoved me off of my life raft and I am sinking to the bottom of an endless abyss. This whole grief thing is very new to me. I have lost loved ones before but not ones that had such a huge impact on my daily life. As I try and navigate this new phase of life I find my self reaching out and searching out those that have also lost parents and may understand my state of mind. As I myself have found I don't understand my state of mind at all! I recently found a friend from High School's blog. We lost contact many years ago when she moved. I had heard of her Mom's passing, before we even knew that my Mom was sick. I was so sad for her and couldn't imagine my life with out my own Mother. I didn't know how to reach out to her, so I didn't. I now wish I would have, knowing now full well the pain she had to have gone through. Sorry I am rambling any ways my point about this friend I found her blog and read about how her Mother's birthday is March 4, and how she and her family have chosen this day her birthday to MARCH FOURTH. To carry on no matter how hard life gets. As I read her blog tears ran down my cheeks. I decided I too needed to find a way to MARCH FOURTH. (Becky, if your reading this I really hope you don't mind me sharing your story)I wasn't sure what this really meant for me at the time I just knew I needed to do my best and make Mom proud of the woman she raised. As Lacey and I were driving to Idaho Falls a couple weekends ago she got really quiet, I noticed the tears start to fall on her cheeks. I asked her what was wrong, she looked at me with a broken hearted expression and said "Mom, I really miss Grandma! I just don't understand why she had to die." At this point it was really hard for me to hold my tears back! I grabbed her hand and said I know sis I really miss Gram too! She was one of a kind! We really got hosed on that one didn't we." She smiled and says "yeah we did! And why did she have to die on Valentines day? I really use to love that day!" I sat and pondered a minute. Thinking to myself I started to get a little upset about that too! I am not much of a Valentines Day fan in fact I hated that day long before the Valentines Day of 2008. I always had stupid expectations from dumb boys in High School which never turned out "right". Then as an adult Matt never got it "right" either. Eventually I started making my own Valentines Day Fabulous. I would make the kids heart shaped waffles for Breakfast and I would take Lacey out of school for lunch (Bridger was too little at this point) then I would make my favorite dinner and a heart shaped cheesecake. I finally had learned to like it, a little anyway. Of all the days why did she have to go on Valentines Day? A day to celebrate all the people that matter to us? Why did she have to leave such a hole in our hearts on the day of love? Then it came to me as quietly as the rising sun hits the beautiful mountains. She left us on the day of Love so we would remember to ALWAYS LOVE! To always give our love as freely as Mom gave her love. To honor those that we love everyday and not wait one single day to share our feelings. To make the most of this crazy world and to always MARCH FOURTH! So to all of you as the season of Love approaches, I challenge you to give your love freely to all that need it. Extend a helping hand to someone who might be struggling. And no matter how hard it is to always find a reason to MARCH FOURTH,even if that reason is a small one like your dog will be hungry if you don't get out of bed to feed it. I am going to do my best to give my love more freely to those around me, to be more gracious and giving. Thank you to all of you that have lifted me in my time of need. I pray I can be as good of a friend to you as you have been to me.
Love, Kim