Hmmppfftt.....

I have been stewing about this since last night, so maybe if I get it out I won't beat myself up over it. Or you all will confirm for me that I am indeed a bad person. Either way it will be out of my hands! Last night as I was at Curves minding my own business I hear two ladies talking about Dr. Dixon. Well I know right away what kind of Dr. he is, my Mother went to him as well. They go on and on about what a FABULOUS Dr. he is. I think "Oh ya such a great Dr. couldn't save my mom!" The more I listen the more I am irritated by the conversation. Then the one very nice lady says to the other lady how long has it been. Nice lady #2 says it's been 7 years free of cancer. I wanted to hurt her. I know this isn't rational. I am so happy she won the fight! I am so grateful her kids don't have to go through what myself and my siblings are. But at the same time I wanted to scream, WHY DID YOU GET TO WIN BUT NOT MY MOM???? I know it's not her fault Mom had to leave. I also had these feelings as I watched the survivors take their survivor lap at the Relay for Life the year after Mom passed away. I couldn't help but feel resentment towards them. I haven't been back to a Relay since. I don't like feeling this way towards survivors! I should celebrate them and thank the heavens that some people do win. So now I am stuck, is this normal to feel or man am I really a mean person for being mad they won???

It's true...My lil CY CY is TWO!

How can this be? How is the time just slipping by so fast? I wish I could freeze Cylie in time right now! She is so fun and keeps us on our toes all the time! She talks up a storm! The things she says just cracks me up! Yesterday she was playing with Matt and she counted to 10! She only missed the numbers 3 and 7! I didn't even know she was counting at all! I had her do it again and of course she only got to 5! Lil stink! She is such the Diva! Everything is on her time or no time! If things aren't going her way she loves to throw her hands over her face and cry this pathetic cry! I can't help but laugh at her! She loves playing dollies! She is such the lil momma already! She loves taking all the dish towels out of the drawer and unfolding them one on top of the other. She will do this for hours! Then she will pick them up and move them to a new location and start all over again! It is very helpful in times of needing to get stuff done! She also uses the towels to cover her babies with! HAHA! She is the light of our lives. Her brothers and sister adore her. Every morning she asks where they are and if they are still sleeping! It sounds like this "Bidger still seeping?" Or "Sissy still seeping?" So sweet! She is a Daddy's girl. She has such a great relationship with Matt. It melts my heart. Cylie is a great little tattle tale! If one of us tells her no or swats her bum she is for sure on her way to rat us out to the other parent! It so dang funny, it goes something like this ME: Cylie whats wrong?" Cy: Crying, wiping her tears, big pout lip....Daddy do it!" Oh man it so funny! She also thinks it's grand to either a)pretend to pick her nose or b) pick her nose and then ask "You wanna booogie?" Don't even ask where that one came from! Another classic one is "I punch you" Now I promise we don't go around punching people or asking them if they want a booger! HAHA! Cylie can keep us in stitches laughing for hours. Now don't get me wrong, she is a TWO year old for sure. Some days I am so ready for her bedtime it's almost sad! Especially since I don't see her very long during the work week. But even on those days, I go to bed and thank the heavens that she is ours! I would be lost in this life without her! Happy Birthday Cylie!

TODAY

Today...my baby boy (well he is 6 and a half but still!) had his first trip to the ER. I am at work, crying! He will be fine, he had an allergic reaction to something and within 30 minutes after Matt dropped him off at Daycare he had hives and welts and his eyes were swelling shut!

Today....I am so very tired. Cylie hasn't been sleeping since she got hurt. She fell and split her mouth up, it got infected and it's been awful! She won't eat or sleep or take a bottle. I am sooo very very tired!

Today....I miss my Mom horribly! I am not sure if it's because Lori and Jo just left and the hole in my heart is noticeable again, or if it's because my kids are sick and I don't have her to go to for advice or if it's because my birthday is on Sunday and I always miss her more on my birthday or if it's because she was such an amazing wonderful woman that new me without any explanations from me. She just did, she was my mom and she got me!

Today....I hope it gets better!

Lacey Lu is 11 (and one month!)

I really have no excuse other than I suck! HAHA! I have thought about this post since before the big day came...then it went, and went, and went~ haha! So now I am a month late...again! That should be my nick name! I know it has been a month since my first born turned 11 but I still need to document how wonderful she is. So here goes...
Lacey Rae was born 3 weeks early and still weighed 7 lbs and was 20 inches long. Her poor little head was so cone shaped, poor kid got stuck! It was an awful delivery! The doctors let me labor for 14 hours and push for 2 before they finally took her c-section! I was so tired by the time she got here! But man I was so excited! I will never forget when I finally got to hold her I spoke so quietly to her and she turned her little head to look at me. She new me and I knew her! We were meant to be mother and daughter! We are so similar it's almost scary, I think she was watching a little to closely while she was waiting for her turn. I find myself getting on her alot about things, things I used to do, that I wish I hadn't. It's hard for me to sit back a little bit and let her find her own way...you know as much as a parent can. She is fun, she loves to rock out in the car with the windows down! We laugh a lot, but I need to make more time for that with her! She is sensitive, she always wants the world to be fair. She never wants her friends or family to be sad. She is a helper, most of the time! She loves her little sister. I am so thankful she and Cylie will get to experience the joys of sisterhood! I can't imagine my life without my sisters! She is very smart. She doesn't give herself enough credit about how smart she really is. I hope going into the 6th grade she can buckle down and really work at it! She is a great swimmer! I have found such joy in watching her grow in this sport. Man I was a wreck during her first swim meet! I get so choked up with PRIDE as she finishes each race! She makes our family complete! For her party this year I told her she could only have 3 friends...let me tell you the endless sleep this caused her! "But Mom I don't want to hurt so and so's feelings and Mom so and so doesn't know the other girls so what if she feels left out"...and on and on it went! I finally told her she had to choose time was running out. It was finally decided, she had Noelle, Madi and, Jenna. They had a great time. We did Mr. Pizza for dinner on Friday and had Lacey blow out the candles on the Dessert Pizza Yummo!The girls stayed the night, and on Saturday morning I took them to the bead shop to make watch bands. They had a good time. It was fun! On Sunday we had her family party. Only Michelle and her family and Dad could make it but that's ok! She had fun and loved her gifts. Matt and I got her a cell phone this year. She has been begging for one. The only reason she got one is out of necessity! Now her phone is cooler than mine! She was super excited about it! She also got a new bike. The Bike was going to be her big gift but we had to get the phone anyway so we threw it in as a present too! It kind of overshadowed the bike but oh well! She did get a cake, she picked it out from Wal-mart! Sorry I am just not that Mom that has the patience to make one I wish I were, but I know my limitations! I would end up sad because the cake wouldn't turn out like it looked in my minds eye! So I just leave it to good ol Wal-mart! I can't believe how fast they are all growing. It seems like just yesterday Lori and I took the Winnie the pooh bib to my Mom's office to tell her the news of Lacey's impending arrival! I am so thankful she was in trusted to us, I hope we can do it right! Happy Birthday My Lacey Lu!
***A BONUS PICTURE***
How stinking cute is that? She just loves her Tyler!

RUN LARRY RUN!!!!

Today my sister will face her demons! You know the ones that tell you that you can't do something? Those evil ones will do their best to get you down and tell you that you can't but

I AM HERE TO SAY YOU CAN! AND YOU WILL!

I am so proud of you Lori for making a goal to run a 5k. It hasn't been easy, but you have stuck it out! Even when you didn't love it and couldn't remember why you started, you stuck with it! No matter what no demon can EVER take that away from you! GOOD JOB SISTER! I wish I could be there to cheer you on! But alas I am stuck at work! SO I WILL SAY IT FROM A FAR.......

RUN LARRY RUN!

The Gift

I'm kinda having a down in the dumps kind of day so I thought I would post about a great memory that will make me cry happy tears, not the kind that has been gracing my cheeks thus far today. So to explain the gift I must first give you history of a very special gift my Mother gave me when I was around 7. It was a Christmas gift that she had saved to give me at my Grandma's house. As I remember, Mom thought all the Aunts and Uncles were going to give their kids a gift at the Goodwin Christmas gathering, but when we got there only Mom had gifts for her kids. She pulled Michelle and I into Grandma's sewing room, which I loved that blue room just so you know, and gave us our gifts. Mine was a beautiful music box girl thing. I loved her. Michelle and I would whined her up every night and fall asleep listening to her play. I remember Michelle once told me if I told anyone she listened to a music box to fall asleep she would beat me up! HAHA! I better watch my back! When Michelle and I moved our room back upstairs she somehow got left downstairs for awhile. One day while in the basement back room I found her...in pieces. Travis had knocked her down on the cement floor by accident. I was so sad. Dad got out the trusty glue and put her back together. I now loved her even more because my Dad had taken the time to mend her and my broken heart! As I grew I still kept her safely in my room. When I became a mom myself I started playing her sweet music for my kids. Well they of course loved her two and wanted to play with her. She held up really well until Cylie was born. I tried to play it for her put my sweet doll had finally had enough. I was so heart broken, it was a sweet gift my mother had given me. Since Mom passed all of the things she had given or were hers have become so cherished. I put my sweet music doll away. I couldn't bear to throw her away. Now lets move on to my dear husband he really falls short in the gift giving department. He always has, I don't fault him for it.(anymore!HEHE!) It was a few days before Christmas and he sent me a text that said I must pay it forward. I was so confused as to what he meant. He said he had just been shown the true meaning of Christmas and needed to pay it forward so if I new of anything please let him know. He wouldn't tell me what had been done for him because it involved my present. I was so dang confused, and a little mad! I don't like being teased like that! I had to let it go so it didn't consume me with what he was talking about! On Christmas morning this is the gift I opened.....I was confused at first! I said you found a new one? He said no I found a lady in Idaho Falls to fix it for you. It was a little different because they didn't know what the brown part was, it was a tree limb that held little birds. The tears began to fall. He had taken the time to find it, hide it and get it fixed. Then he told me the story of the Lady in Idaho Falls that fixed it for me. He knew I always wanted to know what the song was that played on the box. Well most boxes are stamped with the music, well she wasn't. Knowing how important it was this sweet lady listened to the song over and over. She even enlisted help. They figured out what it was and he even bought me sheet music for it. The song is called "You light up my life" How appropriate don't you think. He then told me he had told the lady how important the music box was to me and why. He told me she had also lost her mother way to early in life and knew the pain I was feeling. She wouldn't let him pay her for fixing the music box. I again began to cry! She said it was her pleasure to return such a special gift to my life. What an amazing women. What an amazing Husband. What an amazing Mother. What an amazing gift. This music box is one of my prized possessions. My Mother gave it to me, my Father fixed it, and my Husband recreated it and gave a piece of my mother back to me!

Cooper turned ONE! (a while ago!)

So I suck, this I know! Let's all except it and move on! Ok now that we have gotten that out of the way! I have a ton to catch up on, Easter, Mother's day, a trip to the zoo,cute pictures of Cy and stories of how fabulous she is, the swim team post for Lacey that I have been wanting to do since....November! Oh and the gift Matt got me for Christmas! HAHAHA! WOW I really do suck! Well I am going to start with Cooper's birthday, you might ask yourselg why? CAUSE HE IS SO DARN CUTE THAT'S WHY! Plus it's my blog and I can! HAHAHA! Mr. Cooper Jack turned the big ONE year old on the 29th of April. He is such a fun kid! I love his little head conks he gives to those closest to his heart! His smile is amazing and can light up a room! I love it when he is playing with my dad and he does his silent laugh! It's so dang funny! He is changing so dang fast! Cylie loves him and makes me find the pictures of "poocer" as she calls him on my phone. I am not sure why she says the last part of his name first...but she does! I love when he wants to scurry away from you so he can get into something naughty he puts his little head down and crawls at mock speed! I can't help but stop and laugh! He is such a fun little boy! So Happy belated Birthday Super Cooper!