Lessons...

Ok dear world here I am in all my funk! Haha! I haven't been writing because I didn't want to be all doom and gloom all the time on here, well last night I learned something, well I am not sure if I learned anything yet, time will tell if I change my ways. Anyway what I came across changed my thinking on sharing my doom and gloom...hold on tight I will explain! A few days ago I realized I couldn't find a purchased Christmas gift! I can't help it, it's hereditary! My Mother always was loosing gifts she had stored in a "special" place that she wouldn't forget! Anyways my searching lead me to my parents bed room, I was digging in closets and under things. Well I found an envelope that contained letters my Mom had written to my Grandma along with other things my mom and or grandma had kept from the years. Our weeding announcements, baby shower invites, some of Michelle's basketball memories that had run in the local news, some thank you notes and a special card I had made my Grandma! Haha it was priceless! I loved reading my mother's written words to her mother. One letter was almost to hard to read. It was a letter she had written after Kurt died. As hard as it was to read, I didn't want to stop. How I long for any connection with my Mom. In another letter I loved reading how excited she was that the kids and I were coming to stay with her the next weekend. Another told how excited she was the Christmas that Brook and Bridger were born. I know my mother loved each and everyone of us! I know she was devastated when her grandson was taken from us. I know she was soooo excited to get two new grand babies for Christmas, but to read it, to have physical proof that she really did feel that way, it was simply AMAZING! I wish there was a whole room filled with things like this but sadly it was contained to a small manila envelope. As I sat there on her bed, I felt her say well Kimmie what are you gonna do? I tell ya what I am going to do.....I am promising myself to be better at journaling, even if it's in the form of this blog. It will be here for my kids to read and say "oh man my Momma does love me"! So there it is my friends the lesson I am choosing now to learn! I must leave behind something for my kids to read and have a connection with, I must also do my best while we are all together to show them my love and let them feel special! As I have learned time can be cut short, and I don't want my kids to ever feel alone. I want them to have many things to look back on and have physical proof that I love them all and let them know that life isn't always going to be sunshine and fun, even though I wish it were! Sometimes things get dark and sad, but you know what IT'S OK! Maybe the things I have to deal with will help them somehow! But what if I am not here to share it? Well that's when they will have to look to my written word for advice! So here it is Christmas time, my Mother's favorite time of year, that I try to love as much as I did before she left. I won't lie, it's hard, really really hard. But I will find the time to enjoy it. I will find the joy in my little ones hearts as they love this time of year. I will be posting a lot more from now on so keep in touch!