A Heavy heart...

Today as I drove to work I promised myself I would take a minute and do a post about our Mt Rushmore trip and the day we spent at Ross Park...but alas my heart is so heavy today I feel like my time would be better spent trying to write some of this down so maybe I won't feel so...sad, I guess that is the best word I can use. It all started last night while I was downstairs playing with Cy when my dad came down, I thought to myself how strange Dad hardly comes down here. Little did I know the words he would say would open my memory box. (yes the ones I like to stay closed, unless I want to remember them.) He told me my Uncle Ralph passed away after his back surgery. My Uncle Ralph and I were not close, in fact I sadly can't remember the last time I saw him. He is married to my dad's sister Diane. We weren't as close growing up with my dad's family as we were my mom's side. So sadly I don't know my cousins on that side very well either. As adults though I have started to reconnect with Kristi through facebook, see there is a good side to that evil demon! Kristi is always the first to comment if I say something is wrong with my family. She is always very kind and caring and checks in to make sure we are all well! I knew my Uncle Ralph was having surgery yesterday, she posted about how worried she was and she hates waiting for news. Now I read this but did I take the time to respond to her and tell her I was thinking of her and hoped all went well? I thought about it but I didn't do it! Why? Why didn't I do it? I am now in a world of guilt! I know my words would not have changed the out come but still why was I not there for her? So now I sit and think of her and her family and all the kind things they did and said to us after mom died! How April came and sat with my Dad at the house to check on him, how April brought my mom and dad Christmas gifts the last Christmas my mom was here, when I am sure they didn't have much money to spend on my parents, but alas she did! April's kind acts and Kristi's kind words mean so much to me and yet I don't give back? I know my mom taught me better then that! So now all the memories of the days following my mom's passing are flooding my brain today, and I can't seem to get the tears to stop! I know first hand the pain and sorrow there hearts are feeling right now, and yet I am unable to help them. So here I sit in a world of sadness for their loss, for my loss, for the loss of my friend Kay's son Shawn, so much loss right now it seems. How can I turn this into something positive? As I ask myself that question I think of my friend Christy and how she is always so kind and caring and giving. She serves others so well, and I look out for number one, me! I am going to try my very best to step out side my own little bubble and see what others need and how I can better serve people. I will need some help with this, as I don't know where to start! I have always thought about spending time at a nursing home playing games with the elderly, but do they allow that? I need some ideas of what you all have done to serve your fellow man! Today I am going to start with serving my own kids. I will be that kind mom that doesn't yell and get angry I will play a game with them and laugh and enjoy them and make sure they know I love them, also I am going to try and reconnect with my family that I may not be as close too. I am sad I had to remember these things only after the loss of a loved one, but maybe his loss will bring us all closer! So today the theme is love, love your neighbor, love your friends, love the stranger that passes you on the street, love your family, those far and near.