Ok so I struggled with posting this, these questions ran through my head. Will I offend anyone, will it show how little I know and understand myself, will it sound horrible? But I have decided to post it anyway I hope none of the above happens.
Last night as I put Bridger to bed he started to cry some very big crocodile tears, out of now where. I scooped him up in my arms and asked him what was wrong. "Mom I miss grandma." He says to me. "I just don't understand why she wants to live in the ground and not with us!" My eyes filled with tears my heart broke....again. I was so saddened by what he thought had happened. I had no idea that is where he thought my mom was. I have explained to him about Grandma's body being to tired to fight and how her body died but her spirit the part of grandma that we loved so much is still alive. It lives it in heaven with Heavenly Father. Then I named some people who have also died and who she lives with now. His response "Well I don't really care about them, I just want my grandma back!" WOW how could I have been so wrong? I thought he was doing ok with loosing his Grandma and I thought I explained it so he could understand, boy oh boy how wrong I was.
This is were I need your help. This is the first time I have had to explain death to a five year old. I thought I did it right. Is it normal for them to "forget" how it works, or did I just do it wrong? I guess he has said the same thing to Matt a couple weeks ago when they passed a cemetery. I am at a loss, please help me get this right so my poor son isn't scared for life.
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you didnt do it wrong. i wish i could offer some suggestions but i cant. im sure there are some books out there that could help. That is such a sad story. Im sorry.
ReplyDeleteOh that is so tough Kim. I have had to explain death to Sabrina (when my parents dog died, when the other dog died, when my Grandpa died, and most recently in light of the fact that my Grandma is going to be leaving us soon) and I did it much the same way you did. Like you I just explained that these people (or animals) we love are now living with Heavenly Father and that if we are good we can live with them some day. My guess would be that he understands, he just doesn't want to accept it. Poor guy! I wish I could be of more help.
ReplyDeleteMy dad loved the analogy with the glove and the hand. Show Bridger how the glove is the body and the hand inside of it is the spirit. When we die the spirit and the body separate (remove your hand from the glove). The glove (body) is what goes in the ground but the spirit (hand) is what goes to live with Heavenly Father. Then when the resurrection comes the body and the spirit will be together again.
ReplyDeleteI've never had to explain death to a five year old but I think if you just talk and ask questions that get him talking maybe you will figure out what part of the whole thing is so hard for him to understand. Good luck honey! My prayers are with you!
Oh...I was so sad yesterday too. Poor guy. With 5 year olds repetition is best. He isn't really going to "get it" until he is older but one day it will click. Just keep reassuring him that Mom is in Heaven and she loves us and can still watch out for us. I'm so sorry you have to go through this with out me...not that I could do any better than you. You really are awesome and do a fantastic job. He'll get it. Keep trying.
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteOut of my three kids (3, 5, & 7) my 5 y/o had the hardest time with Mayson's death. We did the hand/glove analogy and it seemed to really help him understand, but what I have found that helps him is just talking about it a lot. He loves to visit the cemetary and he loves to take flowers or some other gifts. It makes him feel like his brother is still his.
It is hard because every kid is so different. I think you explained it great and I hope you are able to find a way to help him make peace with it. Good luck!
Heidi
Kim, you didn't do it wrong at all! There isn't a right or a wrong way to explain it. In the past year and a half we have had to talk about death A LOT in our house, and if there is anything I have learned it is that every kid is so different in how they deal with it. AND THAT'S OKAY! With Josie, she was five when we lost both babies. We have explained everything that has already been mentioned, but the thing we noticed about her is that she seemed very angry and sad when we lost Chance. What finally seemed to work for her was explaining to her that even though Chance loves us, he would really rather be in heaven with Heavenly Father and that he can help us so much more by being there than he can here with us. And we really NEED his help! We NEED him in heaven! When we talk about when we all get to be together again, we share our excitement about that day, which helps bring her some peace. Something for her to look forward to. Death truly is a simple thing - it's us adults with all the emotions we show that compicates it for kids. We also talked about how Chance is with us all the time - especially at important events like when Cord was born. I think the more we have talked about it and shown her that it really is just the cycle of life and nothing to be angry about, she has accepted it so much easier. But I learned that in order for me to bring Josie peace, I had to have peace myself. Easier said than done, I know. And at the end of the day, she still has angry moments. I agree with Lori - repitition. And lots and lots of love and smiling faces. I'm so sorry, Kim.
ReplyDeletethis breaks my heart! I am going to agree with all the comments above - each kid is different. He will need to be reminded daily that his grandma loves him and is watching over him through-out the day. This may also help him pay attention to things that happen around him (via the spirit). What a special thing for him to go thru with you...
ReplyDeleteAnd - the pink shorts in the picture are from Target...I am so sad that I am going to miss tomorrow and Nikki was totally bummed as well. When is the baby actually due?
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ReplyDeleteFirst of thank you all for your helpfull advice! I hope it will help him! I really think the world of you all! Thank you for sharing your experiances with me!
ReplyDeleteChristy, she is going to have him via
c-section on April 29, unless he decides to come on his own terms! LOL!