So much change....

Well it's almost been a year since I posted. I was never sure what to say, I didn't want to over share, or alarm any one. So I kept to myself. Let's just say this last year has been a hard one. I learned a lot about my self, my family, my kids and who my friends are. I am still in scary unfamiliar water at times. I am unsure of myself and my choices. I pray to one day know for certain I made the best choice. Sadly I am sure that affirmation won't come until I meet my maker, if it is to come at all. I have learned I may not know everything, but what I don't know or understand I have a great support system that can shed light for me. I am once again learning what wonderful sisters and best friends I have. Becky has been so insightful, never judging, always loving and always team Kim. I am sad to say when she has met adversity in her life I haven't always been around. I am truly grateful that we are so close now. I value her advice and friendship beyond any measure. I was truly blessed when Becky came into my life in the 3rd grade! I have been really wishing I had my Mom's love and guidance this last year. It's been hard not to have her in my corner in a physical sense, I know she is still here, it's just not the same. I am so glad my Sister's have been here for me though. My life would be incomplete without them. As my kiddos and I move forward with our new phase of life, I hope to be able to update more and share our journey. I hope you have all been well. This week is the dreaded hell week. So far, there have been no crying fits of rage or sadness. So as long as we can survive tomorrow, things might start looking up.

Something that spoke to my soul....

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY.

If you are kind,
people my accuse you of ulterior motives.
BE KIND ANYWAY

If you are honest, people may cheat you.
BE HONEST ANYWAY.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
BE HAPPY ANYWAY.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
DO GOOD ANYWAY.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.
GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

IT WAS NEVER BETWEEN YOU AND THEM ANYWAY
~Mother Teresa~

Life.......

It's ever changing, it has it's ups and downs. It has times where I feel all will be OK, and times where I question everything I have ever known. Life, it's so complex. The second I feel as if I have a grasp on what I need to do, or not do, something changes, I question everything all over again. I suppose that is the purpose of this life. To find my own path, create good times, make sure my children know I love them with all my soul. It's time I find a path that I can feel good about everyday. One that makes me a better person. It's time I figure out who this Kim person really is. Even though I know it's time, it still scares me. It's hard to let go of everything I have ever known. Some days I think I am strong enough, and some days I know I'm not. So I guess I will cry myself through this time in life, and try to laugh too! I will do my best to be the best Mom I can be, and the rest will fall into place....right?

Remember....

" You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

My Prayer...

My Prayer for you my dear loved ones this time of year...is to breath, take in the moment...let it burn into your minds eye, and never, for one second forget it. My prayer for you this Christmas Season is that you are with the ones you love, and that you tell them you love them. I pray you never forget how much you all mean to me! I pray this season of love heals your broken, tired, weary heart. I pray you find the answers your soul is searching for. I pray you remember the Lord and why we have such a magical time of year. I pray for these things for myself as well! Have a very Merry Christmas my friends. Remember to smile, even if it hurts, remember to laugh when you may want to cry and above all else REMEMBER HIM!FROM OUR FAMILY TO YOURS MERRY CHRISTMAS!

YAY!

I am happy to report that on Saturday we had our Goodwin Thanksgiving (my Mom's family) and Grandma looked so much better then I had imagined she would! They took her to the Doctor as I said last time, and got her on some Medicine, it must be working! She knew who we all were and spoke to each of us. She was getting around pretty darn good too! It did my heart good to see her! I can't tell you all how much I owe my sweet Aunt Pam for caring for my Grandma! It is no easy job to take care of a parent, especially an aging one. I give her so much credit for doing it day in and day out. I am so lucky to have my Mom's family! It's nice to be around them and feel my Mom's love. It's just so comforting to be around someone that knew my Mom and loves her and misses her like I do! My Uncle Stan was also there. Which that in itself is a blessing! In July of this year he had a brain aneurysm. He was in the Hospital in Utah for pretty close to 3 months. My poor Aunt Peggy, I can't even imagine the stress that must have been on her. She is lucky to have some amazing kids that helped her out and visited so many times. Her daughters are simply wonderful! Anyway Uncle Stan was there and he also looked so great! I didn't speak to him much, but that's how Uncle Stan is, he is the strong silent type! HA! Dad spoke with him though and said he was doing well! Our family has been very blessed this year! I am so thankful that both of their health is improving! Yay for family!!

I know, I get it.

People get older, it's part of life, I get that. I know that one day we all die, I get that too. I know my Grandma Goodwin (My Mother's Mother) is getting older with every day. I know her eyesight is bad, and she is kinda a grouchy ol gal sometimes, but she is still my Grandma. My Grandma that lived just down the road from me, growing up. We could see her whenever we wanted. She gave us perms and made us fabulous quilts and made us such yummy treats! I only ate spagettio's if I was at Grandma's, those things were so nasty, unless they came from Grandma's pantry. She taught me many things. She is the glue that has held our family together for many years, since my Grandpa died when I was just little. I watched her poor frail body lay in her bed the day after my Mother told her she had cancer. She got so sick just from the news of it.I watched her grieve the death of my Mother, something She nor I should have ever had to do. Today I got the news that Grandma Good (the name Lacey gave her when Lacey was just little, that we all now lovingly call her.) had fallen. I am not sure when the fall took place, my cousin wasn't sure either. Either on Saturday or Sunday, anyway, today Grandma isn't doing so well. They took her to the ER for some testing. She only recognizes my Aunt Pam. I am heart sick, I can't focus, I can't seem to do anything but sit here. The thought of loosing the woman that gave my Mother life, is more then my heart can handle. I get it, I know it's going to happen, but I am just not ready for it. I already have such a hard time with the Holidays since loosing Mom, it will be even more painful to have this pain as well. I am once again reminded how sweet and tender life truly is. I need to be better about taking time to make memories with those I love.


I will try to take time and update this ol blog about happy things, as soon as I can think straight! It seems to be such a hard task once I fall behind!