A Heavy heart...

Today as I drove to work I promised myself I would take a minute and do a post about our Mt Rushmore trip and the day we spent at Ross Park...but alas my heart is so heavy today I feel like my time would be better spent trying to write some of this down so maybe I won't feel so...sad, I guess that is the best word I can use. It all started last night while I was downstairs playing with Cy when my dad came down, I thought to myself how strange Dad hardly comes down here. Little did I know the words he would say would open my memory box. (yes the ones I like to stay closed, unless I want to remember them.) He told me my Uncle Ralph passed away after his back surgery. My Uncle Ralph and I were not close, in fact I sadly can't remember the last time I saw him. He is married to my dad's sister Diane. We weren't as close growing up with my dad's family as we were my mom's side. So sadly I don't know my cousins on that side very well either. As adults though I have started to reconnect with Kristi through facebook, see there is a good side to that evil demon! Kristi is always the first to comment if I say something is wrong with my family. She is always very kind and caring and checks in to make sure we are all well! I knew my Uncle Ralph was having surgery yesterday, she posted about how worried she was and she hates waiting for news. Now I read this but did I take the time to respond to her and tell her I was thinking of her and hoped all went well? I thought about it but I didn't do it! Why? Why didn't I do it? I am now in a world of guilt! I know my words would not have changed the out come but still why was I not there for her? So now I sit and think of her and her family and all the kind things they did and said to us after mom died! How April came and sat with my Dad at the house to check on him, how April brought my mom and dad Christmas gifts the last Christmas my mom was here, when I am sure they didn't have much money to spend on my parents, but alas she did! April's kind acts and Kristi's kind words mean so much to me and yet I don't give back? I know my mom taught me better then that! So now all the memories of the days following my mom's passing are flooding my brain today, and I can't seem to get the tears to stop! I know first hand the pain and sorrow there hearts are feeling right now, and yet I am unable to help them. So here I sit in a world of sadness for their loss, for my loss, for the loss of my friend Kay's son Shawn, so much loss right now it seems. How can I turn this into something positive? As I ask myself that question I think of my friend Christy and how she is always so kind and caring and giving. She serves others so well, and I look out for number one, me! I am going to try my very best to step out side my own little bubble and see what others need and how I can better serve people. I will need some help with this, as I don't know where to start! I have always thought about spending time at a nursing home playing games with the elderly, but do they allow that? I need some ideas of what you all have done to serve your fellow man! Today I am going to start with serving my own kids. I will be that kind mom that doesn't yell and get angry I will play a game with them and laugh and enjoy them and make sure they know I love them, also I am going to try and reconnect with my family that I may not be as close too. I am sad I had to remember these things only after the loss of a loved one, but maybe his loss will bring us all closer! So today the theme is love, love your neighbor, love your friends, love the stranger that passes you on the street, love your family, those far and near.

First day of SCHOOL....late I know!

Again yes I am a slacker I KNOW, I KNOW! Ok now that we have accepted that, lets move on! HEHE!
Lacey started 5th grade this year. WOW that makes me feel old! I remember 5th grade like it was yesterday! I LOVED IT! There were not many years that I loved school, in fact I think only 2 make that category! I thank Mr. Ward for loving 5th grade! He is such an amazing man! He taught me that really I could do anything if I just pushed myself, to bad I only had one teacher like that...until it was too late and I was so far behind it didn't matter. Anyhoo back to Lacey, she is so excited to be able to stay in Groveland, she has made some great friends there. She is doing great..so far! I can already see that she will be like me in the fact that friends have become more important then her school work! I have had to keep right on top of her school work this year. She likes her teacher, which is always a bonus!!! She has started swim team too which she does with her friend Noelle. If it wasn't for Noelle's mom Lacey wouldn't get to go. I owe Nikki the biggest thanks ever! How amazing to be willing to take an extra kid along knowing full well I would never be able to help with taking the girls! THANKS NIKKI! Now on to my little baby boy. I can't even believe my little man is old enough for Kindergarten! I am heart broken by this fact! Bridger is far too little to ride a big scary bus and far too little to be in school! It was a catch 22 that I didn't get to send him off on that big bus! I would have been a mess, and yet I missed it! Which breaks my heart completely! I can always count on Joy to help me out! I left her my camera and when the bus came to the daycare to get the kids she captured it for me! Thanks JOY! I am not sure if he likes kindergarten, there for a while he was getting "sick" on our way to daycare. Joy and I would have to reassure him every morning that if he was still feeling sick Joy would let him stay at daycare. He has stopped doing that but now on Tuesday's he is already having me count down the days until the weekend and no KIN-TER-GAR-TEN! As Bridger calls it! HAHA! He cracks me up! I ask him about if he had a good day there, he always replies with a yes. So I am undecided on how he really feels about it!So enjoy the first day of school pictures!!!!

~TO MY GJO~

Ok I am a HUGE slacker! This is true! I have been in a funk lately. I am not sure why, I don't know how it happened. But alas I am. I am so sad summer is gone already! It went so fast and I feel like I got nothing accomplished! Maybe this is why I am in a funk! I hate feeling like that! I am going to try and do better managing my time so that I can get everything done, but man between work and kids and life I feel very bogged down!

Ok I will stop with the ranting! I have so much to post about but again was in such a rush to get out the door I left the camera at home! Lucky for me the pictures I need of Jimi Jo are on my computer, so today I will give Jo her a very LATE birthday shout out!

My niece Jimi Jo turned 16 years old on the 20th. Let me just say WOW really 16! How can this be? Jo is such an amazing person! She and I have always been so close. I don't think I could ever put into words what this kid means to me! When Lori and her family moved, I was crushed! I knew all of the things I would be missing with her! I would miss our girl time when she would come stay for the weekend with me, we would laugh and be silly. Ride down main street in Driggs and sing with all the windows down. Or we would go to the drive in and eat yummy bad for you food! Or she would help me paint something or just hang out! She is just the coolest kid ever! Jo has the kindest spirit she wants to help everyone and make sure everyone is happy. She is always there to lend me an ear to listen to my woes or a helping hand to help me with my kids so my load seems lighter. Jo can make me laugh so hard my guts hurt! I love watching her grow up(even from afar) what an amazing young women she is becoming! I love that she is so strong willed. She always has been too! I will never forget when she was like 3 and someone was telling her not to do something and she looked them square in the face and she said "You not the boss of me, I the boss of Shane!" (my boyfriend at the time) From day one we knew this kid was going to do many great things in her life and influence many people! The strength she shows by holding on tightly to the things she believes in when not many around her share in her same values, is truly amazing. I love her with all I am. She is such an example to me and to Lacey, I can only pray that Lacey will grow up to be just like her! So to my very best GJO I want to say I love you and hope you had a FABULOUS SWEET 16!!!!!!!

Happy 1st BIRTHDAY Miss CY CY!

WOW....REALLY???!!??! No way has it been one whole year already! Where has the time gone? It is the craziest thing to me to say my baby is ONE! I can't even begin to explain the joy this little girl has brought into our lives. She is so fabulous! Cylie has the best belly laugh you have ever heard! It reminds me alot of my niece Jimi Jo when Jo was little! It sounds like a burly man is having the time of his life, only to find a tiny little girl making that sound! Oh but don't let her smile fool you, she is every bit the DIVA! Cylie has decided there is not point to walking, since she is a princess she shall just be carried! She screams when things are not going her way, and she is very impatient! She wants it and she wants it NOW! Cylie loves playing with her daddy! She gets very excited to see him. All he has to do is say "I'm gonna..." and she squeals with delight and crawls away as fast as possible for she knows her dad is coming to get her! She has decided the best mode of transportation is on top of Papa's shoulders. She loves her cousin Cooper and can't wait for him to get bigger so they can play. Cylie can say Mom, Dad, Mo(the dog, and all dogs are named mo) sometimes she will say more instead of yell at you, you must pay attention though as more gets confused with Mo. I love when she says tickle tickle tickle! Cutest thing ever! She has been my slowest to talk and walk which makes me nervous for the fact that when she does start she will probably NEVER STOP! I Love when we are playing and I say yeah she will stop what she is doing and clap! I love her little fat roles everywhere! I love the way she almost ALWAYS wakes up with a smile on her face. She is so easy going and happy! I hope and pray that I can be the best mom to her and get it right! So hear is to my little miss Cy Cy! Happy Birthday baby girl!

READY...SET...GO!

Be one of the first three bloggers to leave a comment on this post, which then entitles you to a handmade item from me.

2. Winners must post this challenge on their own blog, meaning that you will Pay it Forward, creating a handmade gift, anything for the first three bloggers on your post about this giveaway.

3. The gift that you send your friends can be of any price range and you have 365 days to make/ship your item. This means you should be willing to maintain your blog at least until you receive your gift, and have shipped your gifts. {And remember it is the spirit and the thought that count.}

4. When you receive your gift, please feel free to blog about it, sharing the appropriate linky.love! If you are not one of the top three commenters on this post, you can still play along. Go ahead and start your own Pay it Forward chain, and encourage your blogging friends to do the same.

remember.pay.it.forward.


I know I did this once already but when I saw it on my friend Alicia's blog I had to do it again...for very selfish reasons....she makes FABULOUS things!

MORE VACATION...and updates at the bottom!

Ok so I am a horrible blogger! Forgive me! I would love to tell you I will do better, but that will just set me up for failure! The last thing I need right now is one more thing to feel guilty about not getting done! SO better late then never I guess! Sadly just getting to Lori's house was so eventful it took a WHOLE post! That really did suck! Oh well the rest of the week was fabulous!

SO here goes...

Sunday June 7,2009
Lori always tells us great stories about her church so I really wanted to go with her to see what it was like. For those of us that grew up with the LDS religion being the majority not minority I was hoping for an eye opening experience. Sadly they were all on there best behavior that day! Other then the Happy Birthday song that was sung in primary it was very uneventful! I must say I was a bit sad about this! HAHA! After church we went back to Lori's to get our jammies back on and relax. We were still soooo exhausted! We had Lacey's bday cake and sloppy Joe's. One of Lacey's favorites! The rest of the day was spent hanging out and laughing.

Monday June 8, 2009
We spent Monday still recouping from the nasty 24 hour road trip. We spent time up in Jo's room hanging out Laughing our guts out. At nothing particular I am sure, but dang we truly are funny girls! Lori was holding Cooper and Cylie was so excited to get her hands on him. She would get so frustrated because we would let her get just close enough that she could see him but not close enough for her to taste him! She was getting so mad! It was pretty funny! The weather was a bit chilly so we all hung out inside just soaking up our time together.

Tuesday June 9, 2009
We headed to Minneapolis to do the Mall of America this day. Originally when we talked about doing this is it was supposed to be a "sister thing" but some of the men decided to tag along which meant some of the kids tagged along. It probably would have been a little less stress with only the sisters but it was still fun! I only wish I had money to spend while we were there! It was huge! They had some rides inside. We let Brook go on one ride with Michelle. Then the bigger girls (Lacey, Jo, Me and Michelle) wanted to go on a bigger girl ride. Lori so should have joined us! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! It was a sponge bob ride it took you straight up to the top of the mall, then dropped you straight to the floor! It took my breath away I tried so hard to scream but I couldn't! It was fun! I could have spent more time doing the rides but alas our time was limited. So we walked and walked and looked and looked. It was fun! If there is ever a next time it will be a girl only trip...maybe an overnight girl trip hmmmmm that's a great idea! The boys that stayed home went fishing. They had a great time. Cylie got to go spend the day with Lori's wonderful friend Heather and her girls! I knew she was in great hands and was enjoying her time so it made it easier for me to have fun at the mall! After we got home it was kinda late so we had a quick dinner then just chilled.

Wednesday June 10, 2009
Wednesday we did more hanging out. The boys had such a good time fishing they went again. The girls did what we do best and laughed and made more memories. It is kinda hard to leave with two little ones, but that is OK we had a perfectly good time just sitting on Jo's floor laughing and being silly.

Thursday June 11, 2009
Thursday we were having some pictures taken by Lori's friend Heather in the evening so we hung out in the morning and hit the local "mall" it was a really sad little place! But non the less we found somewhere to SHOP! haha! I had thought we would all were jeans in our family photos and Bridger had worn his only jeans the day before and put a hole in the knee! Darn boys, how are they so rough on clothes! So that was our mission was to find Bridger some new jeans, that didn't cost a lot! Cause really that is the last thing one wants to buy while on vacation. Anyways while at the local mall we did find some jeans and they were on a really good sale! SCORE! I also found the most fabulous purse ever! I Loved it from the moment I saw it across the store! It was a brown giraffe print bag! Sooo uber fabulous! But again not really in my budget to be buying new bags! So I went across the store to visit the bag, say a nice hello and leave it there! I was sad...but strong! This whole buying things only because you need them is really hard for me! I am learning and am a work in progress. I considered the day a success, we found some inexpensive pants and I left the bag at the store! GO ME! We headed back to Lori's house to get some lunch. Well after we got back Lori looked at Michelle and said "should we give it to her?" I looked puzzled at her and Michelle said "yes!" They pull out the bag! THE BAG I tell you! I was so happy! My thoughtful sisters bought me the bag for an early birthday present! How fabulous are they! I was so touched at their thoughtfulness! My bag and I haven't been separated since!(well except for when I went to KC for work cause it was to big and I didn't want to take up that much space!) After the wonderful surprise and the boys got home we went into Lori's room, locked the door and pulled out our peanut m&m's and oreo's to have a little sister time doing pedicures so our feet looked nice for the photos! It was so fun! Jo figured out where we were and unlocked the door from the outside and joined us! She is so fabulous! I love that kid! She fits right in with the sisters! I do hope one day Lacey fits in with the sisters too!So we had great sister time and our feet looked fabulous for the pictures and life was good! For the photo shoot we went to a lake, don't ask me which one cause man they have a million! I will have to try and steal some of the photos that were taken and try to post them. We had thought we would go to a few different locations to take the photos but the husbands sabotaged us and let the kids get in the lake and get all nasty while the sisters and dad where getting our photos taken. Needless to say I was NOT happy. Good thing Heather is good at what she does and got some good shots because she didn't get near the chance that we thought she would. After pictures we went back to Lori's and hung out...husbands in one area of the house, wife's in the other!

I will have to post the rest of the Vacation that took place almost two months ago on Monday.

~~UPDATE ON MY BROTHER~~

You probably have already been bored to tears and logged off already! I don't blame ya! But if you are still here you get the update on my Brother. First of all thank you so much to all of you that came to me in my hour of need. I am not sure where I stand on the whole prayer thing still but I do want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your faith and love during our time of need! Anyways back to Travis, he told me on Monday morning that the tests came back "negative" is how he called it. Which kinda stresses me out. I think they were testing for something specific but Trav didn't want to freak me out any more than I already was so he left that part out! Little stinker. So what that means is they don't know why his pancreas isn't working but they are hopeful that if the stint does it's job and works correctly with that and medication he will be just fine! YEAH! I am so happy and relieved I must say if I am being honest I am not sure I believe it yet. I think once he starts feeling better and looking healthy again I will be able to breath a sigh of relief and be thankful! For now I am trying not to get too excited, been there, done that, didn't turn out so well! I hope you all have a GREAT weekend.

~~YARD SALE~~

We are have a yard sale tomorrow in Blackfoot so if you need any great finds come check it out! It's at least a 4 family sale so there will be lots of great stuff! Its going to be at the old carpet store across from the old Blackfoot motor on Bridge street! See you there!

PRAYERS NEEDED!

OK I am just going to unload today, I am hoping if I get this all out I can semi function today! Here goes...
I am bitter at the world right now, I have been for a while. I know my life could be so much worse then it is...but really I question that too! It sure feels like since my Mom left us I have been truly alone! ALONE! I hate that feeling! I am struggling again today with this alone feeling, like I have been abandon for the wolves to devour. I know your all thinking Kim your not alone you should pray the Lord will help you. I hate to be a Debbie downer but this is my blog and I am going to lay it out just as I feel. I have tried to pray to feel comfort to feel like this will all make sense one day it hasn't helped. It seems like the more I pray and the things I pray for the opposite happens and I am again ALONE! I begged and pleaded for the Lord to spare my sister's son Kurt, to no avail, he was taken. I prayed and prayed and pondered and did my best to be a good person if he would just please spare my mom. I wasn't done learning all I needed from her. Therefore she must not be done on this earth. Alas she was taken. Now we are looking straight down the barrel of another gun. My brother has been so sick for such a long time. They finally thought they had gotten the answers they needed and went to Seattle for a surgery. A risky one, but one that would make him better and give me back the brother I have been so close to my entire life! They tried on Tuesday and had to stop he was not dealing with the surgery well. The Dr decided to wait and approach his sedation differently the next day. So yesterday July 8th they tried again. They finally got to were they thought they would find his stomach/intestinal issues, well they didn't find anything. I am not sure how it came to be that they decided his pancreas needed a biopsy. I am not really sure I want to know this, it will probably freak me out more. However they did take a biopsy. Today we wait for the results and run more tests. I have heard the Lord will not give you more than you can handle, let me say I know in my heart of hearts I will never recover from this if he is also taken from me. So to all of you my dear friends that have not lost the faith and don't feel so alone I am begging you to please Pray for my brother Travis today. Pray that the Dr's will find the answers to his health issues, pray that whatever they might find his poor tired body will have the strength to fight it and come home to his family on earth. And maybe if you don't mind send one up for me that I might not feel so alone and scared.